This is not just a crib. This crib represents hope in the face of fear. You guys know the odds we were given, if you can call them odds when every doctor tells you there is absolutely no chance. So understandably, there was no nursery prepared, no gifts registered, no shower planned.
Even months after Rowan was born, we were still overly cautious. How could we set up a room for a baby who might never come home? That would hurt more.
One day while sitting at Rowan’s bedside I decided to get on Amazon and just look. It became therapeutic to research the best car seat or high chair and browse through pages and pages of crib bedding. Especially when Rowan was intubated and there wasn’t much I could do for him, I could register for what he would need if we were blessed with the opportunity to bring him home.
It gave my mind something to do besides worry. There were some really tough and uncertain days and each time I added an item to the registry, I let go of a little bit of fear and replaced it with hope.
Whether or not a mother is in my situation, I think a baby registry is a list of hopes and dreams for all the things you’ll do with your baby when he comes home. You imagine baths with the plastic tub that fits in the kitchen sink, swaddling him with the blanket that is too expensive but worth it because it’s so soft, and laying him down for the night to sleep peacefully in the perfect crib.
I still have fears that live in the back of my mind, but I have a lot more hope that he WILL be coming home and we will lay him down to sleep peacefully for the night in the perfect crib.
Update: We were able to bring Rowan home after 186 days in the NICU in September 2018! He still has not slept one night in that perfect crib because this mama likes him sleeping in the mini-crib next to her bed. Two days after Rowan was discharged, we had the most wonderful baby shower. None of our guests knew Rowan was home! There were squeals of excitement and tears of joy among the crowd when we carried our sweet tiny baby into the venue. He didn’t stay long to avoid germs, but we were thrilled to share him for a moment with everyone who had been praying for him and loving him from afar. What a perfect day that was!